When I realized that the subject of our asocial tendency was too lengthy to be discussed in a single article, this was supposed to be part two of a THREE part series. This is where I was going to ask the question, “Are our asocial tendencies detrimental to us?” This is one of those “mine field” issues that should be handled very carefully by anyone who dares to ask it. Any non asocial or anti-social, neural typical or otherwise, stands a better than average chance of having this blow up in their face. Especially if they suggest that there are simple solutions that will enable us to stop being who we have always been.
Even though I am an Aspie who has had asocial tendencies all of my life, some of my fellow Aspies might misinterpret my confidence in the principles that I advocate as arrogant and judgmental. Such might mistakenly believe that I that view myself as the standard in which all Autistics and Aspies should live up to. I AM NOT! I hope to accomplish two things by this second part of this series. First, I want to acknowledge my own weakness so my fellow asocials and anti socials do not view me as judging or condemning them in the next two parts of this series. Second, the specific issue that I bring up is a sore spot for many of us asocials and anti socials; courtship.
Many extroverts, as well as those who have a more typical level of social interaction, seem have problems comprehending the notion that no pep talk is going to give the majority of us asocials and anti socials the confidence we need to stop being ourselves. This is a much bigger factor for us men then the women because the burden of starting the courtship is supposed to be on us. If a man likes a woman, then the man is supposed to go to the women and ask her out. The least harshest assumption that a woman might make if the he does not ask her out is that he must not interested. I have met women over the years that seem to believe that any man that is too timid to ask out a woman is not confident in himself as a man.
The bottom line for me is that I am about five weeks away from turning forty-one as of the time that I wrote this in March of 2010, and I have never been married. Whenever this subject comes up, everyone starts giving me the same pat answers that I have heard a million times before. People who barely know me tell me the reason that I do not have a girl friend is because of this or that, and I am sick and tired of hearing it over and over again.
The one thing that I hate hearing from women the most is that they cannot believe that I have never been married, especially when it comes before or immediately after them declining to go out with me just once. Logic suggests that if I am really as good as they say I am, then they should be willing to give me at least one opportunity to show them who I am at a more intimate level. If they are not willing to do so, then I must not be that great. Then they ask me, “Why have you never been married?” My response, “You tell me. You just declined to go out with me just one time. Why did you just choose to do so? That is one of the many reasons why I have never gotten married.” The inability for women to answer such questions is like salt in an open wound.
I have talked in Christian singles groups about what we all want in a mate. What I have heard women describe as the attributes of what they consider to be the “perfect” man is essentially their rendition of what is referred to as “Fruits of the Spirit” (…love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control… [Galatians 5:22-23]). These are the very character attributes that I have strived to develop in my own life in order that I can be the best Christian that I can be. I once had one women acknowledge that I did meet all of her criteria for what she wanted in a man, but she for reasons that even puzzled her, just was not interested in me. This clearly shows that I cannot get a date even if I am everything that a woman wants. Meanwhile, I have seen time and time again, women gravitating to men that epitomize everything that they say they do not want in a man.
My courtship issues get worst when well meaning friends try to match make for me because they always try to match me with someone who is simply not interested. This fact they refuse to except as they twist the arms of both in order to get them to say maybe. After all, maybe is on step below yes, right? Wrong! Maybe (especially when said by a woman with domestic violence in her background) mean, “Ok, ok! I will be friendly towards the guy just to get you off my back. However, if I feel the slightest sense of fear that history may repeat its self, I will run for my life.” The inability of well meaning match makers to figure this out has ruined many of what might have meaningful platonic relationships.
So, how do I summarize everything I just wrote in two sentences or less? After all, that is all that the all knowing what to be counselors will let you say before interrupting you with their pat answers. Is it any wonder that some many people choose to embrace asocial and anti social techniques of dealing with their problems. Even the most intervened people I know will choose to deal in an asocial manner in such areas of their lives. So many of the issues that Autistics and Aspies deal with, although they may seem to be the same as the ones that all people deal with, can at times be far more complex than for a neural typical.
I hope that this helps my fellow asocials and anti social to realize that as I encourage them to reach out of their protective shell, that I do not do so in arrogance. I know that this is hard. However, I know from personal experience that the benefits of doing so. In part three of this series, I intend to show why it is worth the risk. In part four, I will share with you the kind of groups that have provided me with the most positive experiences.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Asocial Tendency of Autistics and Aspies (Part 1 of 4: Asocial by Nature or by Choose)
Before discussing Autistic’s and Aspie’s asocial tendencies, we must first distinguish the differences asocial behavior from antisocial. According to the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary that is included with my Encyclopædia Britannica software:
aso•cial \(")ā-'sō-shəl\ adj (1883): not social: as a: rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction b: antisocial
an•ti•so•cial \"an-tē-'sō-shəl, "an-"tī-\ adj (1797)
1: averse to the society of others: unsociable
2: hostile or harmful to organized society; esp: being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm
— an•ti•so•cial•ly \-shə-lē\ adv
In short, asocial means that your apathetic towards society while antisocial means that your hostile towards it. It is interesting to note that the Merriam-Webster’s seems to suggest that there is an antisocial social element to asocial behavior. Many of my asocial Aspie friends may object to this assertion, but I was actually picking up on this trend long before I did the research for this article. I will explain why in the third part of this series of three articles.
Before I address that issue, I want to address the question as to why do many believe that Autistics and Aspies are asocial by nature. Part of it may stem from Autism being a unique neurological configuration. As I explained in a previous post, the brain has millions of neural receptors that send of singles to all parts of the body. In the Autistic/Aspie Brain, some of these receptors are less active then in a neural typical brain. Many of these receptors are in the frontal lobe which controls speech and social development. Some might conclude that less activity in the areas that tied into social development might lead to an asocial personality.
Just as there are some receptors in the Autistic/Aspie brain that are less active compared to a neural typical brain, there are others that are more active. Many of these are in the areas of the brain that effect sensory perceptions. Because of this, many Autistics and Aspie are hypersensitive to various stimuli. There is one member of my Aspie support group that has insanely sensitive hearing. She says that she is often woken out of her sleep by her neighbor’s AC unit kicking on. She also says that she can also hear the dog whistle that are at such a high frequency that humans are not supposed to be able to her them.
It is one thing to have hypersensitivity to hearing, but what about touch. There are a number of Autistics and Aspies that are tactile defensive, which simple means that they don’t like to be touched. My mom says that I was like this as an infant. If this is true, then I have defiantly out grown it. I have heard some say that they can get a bit claustrophobic in large crowds. I believe that I can get that way when I am trying to walk through crowded areas. Some might say that such behavior might be considered asocial.
My personally belief as to why Autistics/Aspies tend to be asocial is grounded in my Twelve Step background while confronting my issues related to my codependency. Step 4 of the program requires us to take “a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves.” Part of this is to examine our past actions. Not only what we did, but why. It was obvious to anyone who has heard me share in the meeting that the VERBAL and EMOTIONAL ABUSE that I endured, especially at the hand of my peers, had a devastating impact my self esteem as well as my willingness to socialize with my ABUSERS.
I can still distinctly recall two specific occasions when I concluded that I the only way I could avoid being made fun of for what I said was to say nothing. I would hide inside this shell until I became lonely after sometime and reach out of my sell only to endure a resumption of the ABUSE. I kept going in and out of these shells on numerous occasions during my childhood because, deep in my heart of hearts, I had the same desire for love and acceptance and any neural typical. I did not choose to be asocial because I found it preferable, but I instead ran into it for my own EMOTIONAL SELF-PRESERVATION.
Unfortunately, going into an asocial shell was not every effect means of EMOTIONAL SELF- PRESERVATION for me as a child. After all, I still had to go out in public where I would cross paths with these ABUSERS who had unrestricted access to me at school. Eventually, this never ending onslaught of ABUSE resulted in me being suicidal from the time I was eleven years old until I was fourteen. I would sometimes stand in the bathroom; look into the mirror and reciting ever viscous word that my peers said about me and believing them to be true. It is a well known fact that Autistics and Aspies are what the experts like to call “bullied” in school. This is a “kids will be kids” term that easy for many teachers to say to minimize it as a “fact of life” that no one can do much about. However, doing so makes them oblivious to the emotional devastations caused by this ABUSE. Teachers need recognize “bulling” for what it is and calling it what it is, “ABUSE!”
Autistics and Aspies are not the only ones who have been abuse. During my years in Twelve Step meetings, I have meet a lot of neural typicals who were PHYSICALLY, VERBALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY ABUSED by parents, boyfriends, husbands, other relatives, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc. Based and sitting and listening to the neural typicals describe how these ABUSIVE acts affected them, it is obvious to me that abuse effect them the same way it affects us. This includes many of them developing asocial personalities as a means of SURVIVING their ABUSE as well.
This is why I am not sold on the idea that the Autistics and Aspies asocial tendencies are connected to neurology, but the ABUSE that is common to so many of us.
aso•cial \(")ā-'sō-shəl\ adj (1883): not social: as a: rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction b: antisocial
an•ti•so•cial \"an-tē-'sō-shəl, "an-"tī-\ adj (1797)
1: averse to the society of others: unsociable
2: hostile or harmful to organized society; esp: being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm
— an•ti•so•cial•ly \-shə-lē\ adv
In short, asocial means that your apathetic towards society while antisocial means that your hostile towards it. It is interesting to note that the Merriam-Webster’s seems to suggest that there is an antisocial social element to asocial behavior. Many of my asocial Aspie friends may object to this assertion, but I was actually picking up on this trend long before I did the research for this article. I will explain why in the third part of this series of three articles.
Before I address that issue, I want to address the question as to why do many believe that Autistics and Aspies are asocial by nature. Part of it may stem from Autism being a unique neurological configuration. As I explained in a previous post, the brain has millions of neural receptors that send of singles to all parts of the body. In the Autistic/Aspie Brain, some of these receptors are less active then in a neural typical brain. Many of these receptors are in the frontal lobe which controls speech and social development. Some might conclude that less activity in the areas that tied into social development might lead to an asocial personality.
Just as there are some receptors in the Autistic/Aspie brain that are less active compared to a neural typical brain, there are others that are more active. Many of these are in the areas of the brain that effect sensory perceptions. Because of this, many Autistics and Aspie are hypersensitive to various stimuli. There is one member of my Aspie support group that has insanely sensitive hearing. She says that she is often woken out of her sleep by her neighbor’s AC unit kicking on. She also says that she can also hear the dog whistle that are at such a high frequency that humans are not supposed to be able to her them.
It is one thing to have hypersensitivity to hearing, but what about touch. There are a number of Autistics and Aspies that are tactile defensive, which simple means that they don’t like to be touched. My mom says that I was like this as an infant. If this is true, then I have defiantly out grown it. I have heard some say that they can get a bit claustrophobic in large crowds. I believe that I can get that way when I am trying to walk through crowded areas. Some might say that such behavior might be considered asocial.
My personally belief as to why Autistics/Aspies tend to be asocial is grounded in my Twelve Step background while confronting my issues related to my codependency. Step 4 of the program requires us to take “a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves.” Part of this is to examine our past actions. Not only what we did, but why. It was obvious to anyone who has heard me share in the meeting that the VERBAL and EMOTIONAL ABUSE that I endured, especially at the hand of my peers, had a devastating impact my self esteem as well as my willingness to socialize with my ABUSERS.
I can still distinctly recall two specific occasions when I concluded that I the only way I could avoid being made fun of for what I said was to say nothing. I would hide inside this shell until I became lonely after sometime and reach out of my sell only to endure a resumption of the ABUSE. I kept going in and out of these shells on numerous occasions during my childhood because, deep in my heart of hearts, I had the same desire for love and acceptance and any neural typical. I did not choose to be asocial because I found it preferable, but I instead ran into it for my own EMOTIONAL SELF-PRESERVATION.
Unfortunately, going into an asocial shell was not every effect means of EMOTIONAL SELF- PRESERVATION for me as a child. After all, I still had to go out in public where I would cross paths with these ABUSERS who had unrestricted access to me at school. Eventually, this never ending onslaught of ABUSE resulted in me being suicidal from the time I was eleven years old until I was fourteen. I would sometimes stand in the bathroom; look into the mirror and reciting ever viscous word that my peers said about me and believing them to be true. It is a well known fact that Autistics and Aspies are what the experts like to call “bullied” in school. This is a “kids will be kids” term that easy for many teachers to say to minimize it as a “fact of life” that no one can do much about. However, doing so makes them oblivious to the emotional devastations caused by this ABUSE. Teachers need recognize “bulling” for what it is and calling it what it is, “ABUSE!”
Autistics and Aspies are not the only ones who have been abuse. During my years in Twelve Step meetings, I have meet a lot of neural typicals who were PHYSICALLY, VERBALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY ABUSED by parents, boyfriends, husbands, other relatives, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc. Based and sitting and listening to the neural typicals describe how these ABUSIVE acts affected them, it is obvious to me that abuse effect them the same way it affects us. This includes many of them developing asocial personalities as a means of SURVIVING their ABUSE as well.
This is why I am not sold on the idea that the Autistics and Aspies asocial tendencies are connected to neurology, but the ABUSE that is common to so many of us.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Does Immunizations Cause Autism and Asperger's
I was asked the question on another website that I post on, "I know it's a big debate, but do you believe that it is caused by immunization?" To which I responded:
Here's a list of notable people that are believed to have had Asperger's before any such immunizations were invented...
http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc...ymptoms?page=2
"...many respected historical figures have had symptoms of Asperger's, including Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart [At three he was picking out chords on the harpsichord, at four playing short pieces, at five composing*], Albert Einstein [had to have his wife dress him because he couldn't figure out on his own which part of his body each article of clothing went on], Marie Curie [awarded the 1903 Nobel Prize for Physics*], and Thomas Jefferson [Framer of our Declaration of Independence and our 3rd President who died penniless**]."
One of my Aspie support group leaders believes that there may be some connection between how many shot that children are given at once. If I'm not mistaken, she said that children under the age of 2 years are given as many as 6 different vaccines in a single session. The practice of putting multiple vaccines into one syringe was started by the military for our adult troops going over seas. Everyone knows that children under the age of 2 years don't have as strong of as an adult and therefore may not be able to handle as intensive treatments.
One of the things that was discussed yesterday at my monthly Aspie meeting is that Autism/Asperger's is a neurological condition. The brain has millions of neural-receptors that are giving off signal at all time. In the Autistic/Aspie brain, some of our receptors are under active while others are over active. So if you were to rate the activity levels of the brain on a 1-10 scale, a "neurotypical" might rate 4-6s straight across the board. The Austisic/Aspie on the other hand might rate 1-3 in many areas and 7-10 in other. When we are in situation where our 1-3 come out, we are labeled handicapped. When we are in situation were our 7-10 come out, we are proclaimed geniuses.
This leads me to a point that is most sensitive to us Aspie, do we need to be cured or do we need to be cut some slack with our 1-3s and given more opportunity to utilize our 7-10s. I think you know where I stand on this issue.
* Encyclopaedia Britanica
** One Night Stands in American History
Here's a list of notable people that are believed to have had Asperger's before any such immunizations were invented...
http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc...ymptoms?page=2
"...many respected historical figures have had symptoms of Asperger's, including Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart [At three he was picking out chords on the harpsichord, at four playing short pieces, at five composing*], Albert Einstein [had to have his wife dress him because he couldn't figure out on his own which part of his body each article of clothing went on], Marie Curie [awarded the 1903 Nobel Prize for Physics*], and Thomas Jefferson [Framer of our Declaration of Independence and our 3rd President who died penniless**]."
One of my Aspie support group leaders believes that there may be some connection between how many shot that children are given at once. If I'm not mistaken, she said that children under the age of 2 years are given as many as 6 different vaccines in a single session. The practice of putting multiple vaccines into one syringe was started by the military for our adult troops going over seas. Everyone knows that children under the age of 2 years don't have as strong of as an adult and therefore may not be able to handle as intensive treatments.
One of the things that was discussed yesterday at my monthly Aspie meeting is that Autism/Asperger's is a neurological condition. The brain has millions of neural-receptors that are giving off signal at all time. In the Autistic/Aspie brain, some of our receptors are under active while others are over active. So if you were to rate the activity levels of the brain on a 1-10 scale, a "neurotypical" might rate 4-6s straight across the board. The Austisic/Aspie on the other hand might rate 1-3 in many areas and 7-10 in other. When we are in situation where our 1-3 come out, we are labeled handicapped. When we are in situation were our 7-10 come out, we are proclaimed geniuses.
This leads me to a point that is most sensitive to us Aspie, do we need to be cured or do we need to be cut some slack with our 1-3s and given more opportunity to utilize our 7-10s. I think you know where I stand on this issue.
* Encyclopaedia Britanica
** One Night Stands in American History
Autism not caused by thimerosal
On Friday, March 13, 2009, the United States Court of Federal Claims (USCFC) handed down a ruling that thimerosal does not cause autism. The ruling, which is supported by widespread scientific consensus, is no doubt very disappointing to many parents with autistic children. Thousands of parents had filed claims with the “vaccines court,” a branch of the USCFC, seeking damages in the belief that vaccines containing thimerosal had caused their children’s autism.
At the heart of the controversy is thimerosal, an organometallic compound that contains approximately 49% mercury (by weight). It has been used as a preservative in a wide variety of products including vaccines, tattoo inks, ophthalmic (eye) solutions, nasal products and antigens for skin tests. Because its use as a preservative has raised controversy, largely because of parental fears, thimerosal was removed from almost all childhood vaccines by 2001. The exception is for multi-dose vials of influenza vaccine.
Autism is a puzzling illness that affects as many as 1 in 110 children in the United States. It can range from mild Asperser’s Syndrome to severe mental retardation and social disability. Currently, there is no cure or treatment for autism. Parents of autistic children as well as many advocacy groups have reacted to the court’s ruling with some surprise. Several express a feeling that the ruling is a conspiracy to protect the public health by protecting the vaccination programs. Mary Holland of the Coalition for Vaccine Safety says the court special masters are protecting the vaccine program at the expense of children being harmed by inoculations.
The USCFC is made up of three judges called special masters. Each chose one case to rule on. They were considered tests cases and were among the very strongest. Consequently, similar cases making the same claim are thought to have a poor outlook. Earlier rulings have been appealed to the U.S. Court of Appeals and it seems likely that these rulings will be appealed as well. However, based on the evidence and the widespread scientific consensus, experts believe the USCFC ruling will be upheld.
THE END OF ASPERGER’S IN 2012
Understanding Asperger’s is still a work in progress. It has long been referred to as being on the high end of Autism. My mom found an on line article that claim that some were wanting to separate Asperger’s from the Autism spectrum do largely to our high IQs. However, the American Physiological Association announced in February that they would be doing away with the Asperger’s diagnosis in 2012. From that point forward, all of us that are currently diagnosed as having Asperger’s will be recognized as simply as being Autistic. Those in favor of this change say that it will make it easier for us to get the benefits that we need.
However, there are many Aspies who are opposed this because they do not want to be associated with those who are deemed “lower functioning Autistics.” At first, I was one of them. My reasoning was that those of us on the Asperger’s end of the spectrum have been wrongly judged for our entire lives. The reasons for this are so lengthy that I’ll deal with it in a future blog posting. Bottom line, that we have been branded as lazy, under achievers, lacking in intelligence, etc.
I, along with many other Aspies I know, have been fighting our entire lives to get people to give us a chance to show what we can do when we are given an opportunity to do what we do best the best way we know how. I like to say that we have the geniuses necessary to take over the world if we could just stop tripping over our own two feet. Unfortunately, tripping over one own two feet gets me far more notice then my intelligence. However, when I’m put in a venue when my intelligent can shine, I make those who are “normal” look handicapped. For this reason many of us Aspies don’t consider ourselves handicapped, but simply different. Lumping us together with those Autistics who can’t function at our level would seem to undermine the ability of us Aspies to be given the chance to show the world what we are capable of.
So, what changed my mind? Back in 1971, when I was about two years old, my parents took me to a place called Gompers here in Phoenix. It was recognized as the place to take if you believed that your child was what we would now call “developmentally delayed.” They ran all of their test on me and simply concluded that there was no hope for me ever developing past the mentality of baby. I was, for reasons that had nothing to do with this, adopted when I was five and a half. My adoptive parents took me to get tested and were told that I’d never develop past the mental age of a three year old. Both my birth and adoptive Mothers rejected these predictions and dared to believe in me.
This got me thinking, what if my Mothers believed the predictions made about me rather than defying them? Would I be the “lower functioning” Autistic that the “expert” predicted me to be? What about those Autistics who are “lower functioning?” How many of them are having their development impeded by their parents believing rather than defying the “experts?” I am not saying that there may be some that will never achieve the same level of development as their peers, but that everyone deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt.
Therefore, I stand in defiance of all nay sayers. I defy those who disregard what I am capable of when I am in my element because they will not look past the extent that I struggle when I am not. I defy those who dismiss anyone with any kind of developmental challenges, whether they are Autistic or otherwise, without giving them a chance to develop beyond what they are in spite of these challenges.
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